A Fish Out of Water, Literally

Last Friday, a good morning phone call got me out a bed and as I do every morning, I check on the pets to make sure they made it through the night. So I’m standing at the fish tank and I noticed that a fish was missing.

I did not see it on the floor so I got down on my knees to look into the tank because I’m positive it has to be in there, no way that big fish got out of the tank! Confused as to its whereabouts, I looked even harder and noticed that another fish has the look of a child who just broke something.

This fish looked so suspicious that I started questioning it.

“What did you do?” No answer. He just hid behind a plant like he either saw what happened, caused what happened and wasn’t going to tell me what happened. He did favor one side of the tank though and seemed very interested in something on the floor. I turned to where he was looking and this is what I found 5 ft. away underneath a chair!!

Now I was still on the phone, my mouth is moving but no sound was coming out. It’s like that dream you try to scream in, but can’t. I disconnected my phone call and then I had an episode!¹

I need to find out who was eating rice under that chair!

How did this happen!! The tank has a lid and while there is a small space at the back of the tank, I assumed a fish would need the precision of a heart surgeon to maneuver that opening.

I was so upset that morning and not only because I woke up to a dead fish on the floor, but that my floor is not as clean as I thought. Just look at him, he had all kinds of trash on his body: a blue string, some hair and two grains of rice!

Even though I worked a smile or two in this post, this YouTube clip is how I really feel. It’s going to take me a few days to get over this one. Every time I look at that spot on the floor, I will think of Sylvester. I recently heard something on the news about medicine for depressed dogs and I thought how insane, now I’m wondering if it comes in fish form.

Fishography:
Sylvester X, 5 yrs. old approx.
Date of Death: July 25, 2008
Cause of Death: High Jump
Movie: Co-starred in Fish Food Fight, Netted over 75,000 viewers
Sylvester is survived by a host of other fish, friends and onlookers. In lieu of sending worms, eat chicken.
Favorite quote: “The glass is not always cleaner on the other side.”

EDIT:
Kat wrote a poem in the comments that made me smile. Thanks Kat!

1. I screamed like a girl! [↩]

As Not Yet Seen On TV

If at first you don’t succeed try and try again, right? My first invention didn’t see the light of day because the concept of saving lives was a little bit too complex for the automobile industry.

Fuh get ‘em,  I don’t need them. I have a new invention that I am marketing and it’s called The Multi-Plate.

The Multi-Plate is created when I reheat anything on a foam plate for over 60 seconds.  My microwave is capable of soldering pasta to, and burning holes through, foam plates, but if you get the timing just right, it rewards you with The Multi-Plate.

Last night I reheated some rice for dinner, but I left it in a few seconds too long and this is what I pulled out.  I said if I can lift the rice off the plate, I’m eating it.  Turns out this is just the plate you need for eating rice.  I got every grain off the plate, the rice curved nicely into the fold and laid on the fork.

Then my light bulb went off and I thought to myself: I could probably sell The Multi-Plate, do my own marketing and be in debt to no one but the sand man.  I think I can melt about 1,000 Hefty Foam Plates in about an hour, so for a limited time only you can purchase your Multi-Plate here.  Act Now! While supplies last.

Advertising: Information or Manipulation

What would you say is the goal of commercial advertising? Most people would agree that advertising provides the consumer with information about a product, but is that all advertising accomplishes? No.

Advertising is used to masterfully engage the mind of the consumer to motivate him or her to buy the advertised product. Advertising is about more than just selling products, but about branding.

Branding refers to the process of impressing a company name or a product name onto society’s collective brain. You want to get the product’s name firmly planted in people’s heads. The advertiser does not necessarily expect you to do anything today — the advertiser simply wants to impress itself on your consciousness.¹

Catchy Slogans. Do these slogans call to mind their product: Breakfast of champions, You’re in good hands, When you care enough to send the very best and Just do it! These slogans appeal to our emotions and pride, they can make us feel like we need to use this particular product or drive that particular car when something of lesser value will suffice.

Testimonials. Often times celebrities or sport stars are used to recommend a product advertisers want us to buy, as if some how we will become like that person. The power of persuasion.

Direct Commands or Buzz Words. Buy Now. Limited Quantities. New and Improved. While Supplies Last. Final Sale. A sense of urgency is created like we’re going to miss out on something if we don’t buy now. Try listening to QVC for an hour and then ask yourself why you thought purchasing a ceramic rooster for your kitchen was a good idea when you’re not a collector.

Sense of Smell. It’s not by accident that most everything we buy today from shampoo to dryer sheets have a scent associated with it, even bug spray no longer stinks, but smells of flowers. Advertisers want us to have a psychological experience when we use their product so we’ll keep buying it.

It’s no surprise that millions of dollars are spent on advertising during the super bowl or that the typical American is exposed to over 3,000 commercial messages, online advertisements, magazine and billboard ads a day. Advertising can either be a great slave or a horrible master. How much does advertising influence your purchasing power?

[Money Monday topics will now appear on any given Monday].

1. HowStuffWorks.com [↩]

Paper or Plastic?

When the cashier at your local grocery says to you, paper or plastic they really want to know: how are you going to pay for this crap, with paper or plastic money!

Yesterday, I spent 35 minutes of my lunch hour putting groceries in my shopping cart and drooling on the box of brownies I was going to bake.

Fortunately before I put my stuff on the conveyor belt, I looked in my wallet for my debit card because I hate when people reach the cashier and act like they do not know they have to pay. You know they want your money, give it to them! Have your MOP (method of payment) ready!

Oh and don’t write a check and ask who to make it out to! You’re in Shop-Rite, take a guess. I can’t work with the public, I have a low tolerance for questions and would end up beating somebody with a loaf of bread. Okay pet peeve.

However, after realizing that I had neither paper or plastic MOP, I sheepishly spent the next 5 minutes putting some of the groceries back and left the rest in the proverbial “Isle 5.”

So, while most people were leaving with smiles and a few days worth of groceries, I left with a bottle of Tide and a box of Junior Mints. I am 37 today, what was my excuse yesterday?

High Priced Domain

Yes I changed my blog look. I’ve been casually looking around for something and I stumbled upon this one yesterday and decided to go with it. I don’t like to change themes too often and I hope to stick with this one. How many times have you changed blog themes?

I’m in the process of trying to integrate my personal website or at least give it the same look as my blog: my cut and paste version. My photographs have been moved to Flickr and can be viewed there or through this blog, the link is up top.

Anywho, a few days ago I got an email from Yahoo saying that their domain renewal will increase from $12.95 to $34.95. I have 8 domains registered with Yahoo and four with another registrar. I’m giving up the ones I don’t need.

As for the rest, I’m moving to another company, which registers them privately (something Yahoo charges extra for) for under $10. I don’t know why a domain name would cost $34.95, but if that is the going rate, someone please enlighten me. How much do you pay?

PS - Oh, I forgot to mention, that in the future if my blog is down, it’s because I’m changing registrars. I’ll be back. I’m testing a transfer now on a domain I want to keep to see how things work out.