4 Ways to Avoid Arguments About Money
How-To, Money May 12th, 2008 
Whether you are married or single with significant other, discussions about money are bound to come up. Often times, these discussions turn into arguments, sometimes fights and even possibly divorce. Some couples avoid the money topic completely to maintain peace within the relationship, but that won’t work forever. So just how do you avoid arguments about money?
Communicate. If you want to avoid arguing about money, then you can’t be afraid to talk about it. Don’t wait until you are months into a relationship to at least start talking about some aspect of money. Some married couples have found it helpful to have frequent discussions about the family finances. If you are dating and marriage is imminent, don’t wait until you say “I do” to find out if you’re on the same page financially. If you’re single and dating, don’t wait until the check is on the table to decide who’s going to pick up the tab. Try to establish as much as you can before you’re faced with the situation.
Avoid Blame. Replace you with I. I’m no counselor of any kind, but I find this works with most arguments. Instead of pointing the finger at the other person saying: YOU spend too much, or YOU don’t know how to manage money try talking about your feelings. I feel scared about our financial future or I feel that we can do better with our finances. You can relax a person’s defenses by not starting a conversation with their faults. Avoid placing blame, nobody likes to be accused, even if they are in the wrong.
Be Satisfied. Be content with what you have instead of spending money on things you don’t need. Before you buy, ask yourself some questions: Is it really necessary to upgrade to the latest model? Do we really need a 52″ HD TV? Learning to be satisfied will help you live within your financial means without the added stress and money fights. Sometimes good enough really is just that, good enough.
Set Goals. Money is like time, if you don’t have a plan for it, eventually it will be gone. Setting financial goals as a couple or as a single person leaves less room for haphazardly spending money on stuff. Set specific goals, i.e. we would like to save $10,000 in 5 months or I would like to save $15,000 in 6 months. Keeping your goals in mind will help stave off frivolous spending.
These are just my top four ways, how do you and yours keep from having arguments about money? Do you mingle the money together or do you believe in yours, mine and ours?
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May 12th, 2008 at 12:47 am
We don’t argue about money at home. Of course, we both have our own incomes and don’t have any shared bank accounts but we do share every other expense, including the trees for the property out back, the food for the wildlife and for the critters in our care, and of course the household groceries and other expenses (notice all these are listed in order of priority). We usually decide together whether to spend or save - and what is important. Best of all, if one of us still wants something, and the other doesn’t…..the person who wants it will go ahead and buy it (maybe) and own it 100 percent instead. Generally that doesn’t happen though because we DO RESPECT one another’s opinion on these matters.
May 12th, 2008 at 1:43 am
I think we’re lucky, as we don’t ever argue about money, honestly. For one, we’re not struggling, financially. Secondly, we’re more about free time & relaxation than “things.”
Sorry I’ve been AWOL–still playing tour guide for my Canadian friend.
Lana’s last blog post..Swamp Tour
May 12th, 2008 at 3:20 am
We don’t argue about money. All of the money goes into a joint account. We discuss major purchases, but minor ones don’t become an issue.
I just say, what’s yours is mine, and what’s mine is mine. Hehe…just kidding.
Barbara Swafford’s last blog post..The Name Says It All
May 12th, 2008 at 5:32 am
I avoid arguing about money by not having any money.
H.’s last blog post..Another Sad Post
May 12th, 2008 at 8:13 am
one of the benefits of being single ..unless you argue with your self..:)
May 12th, 2008 at 6:57 pm
great post. helpful for those in denial that they do argue about money but it comes out in a different form of argument.
earthlingorgeous’s last blog post..Meme Monday #2
May 12th, 2008 at 7:50 pm
and now I am glad I am not really in a full blown “relationship”…money can and does cause So Many Problems.
Although….You have laid out some fantastic solutions and ideas.
meleah rebeccah’s last blog post..Happy 12th Birthday JCH
May 12th, 2008 at 9:29 pm
Squirrelmama, that’s good. Why did you decide to have separate accounts, did anything happen to cause this or that’s how you started out? That’s great that you both decide on some purchases together, some couples have a base amount of what can be spent before discussing it with the other.
Lana, I hope your company enjoyed their stay. I really don’t think you have to be struggling financially to have arguments about money…it happens to the wealthy, to the rich down to the middle class and the poor.
Barbara Swafford, it’s great when couples can combine their assets and be on the same page. It’s not easy to find someone who shares your same money goals. One can be a saver, the other a spender…it can get pretty interesting. lol @ what’s yours is mine and what mine is mine. Works for me.
H, lol. Well I’m sure someone could still argue about you not having any money. Made me laugh.
Robert. Amen.
Earthlingorgeous, thanks. Thanks for bringing up a great point, I didn’t want to cover everything but leave room for commenting. That’s so true, you think you are arguing about one thing when deep down you’re really arguing about some money related issue.
Meleah Rebeccah, well relationships are good and yes money can cause problems. I don’t think we talk about it enough, we assume so much and the silence builds and one day the dam breaks and floods the whole darn house. well not quite, but you get it.
Thanks. I was hoping others would come up with what works for them, but nobody here argues about money. Amazing. Just who are those people that call into the Suze Orman or Dave Ramsey Show.
May 13th, 2008 at 6:31 am
We did argue over money at the start of our marriage, but mostly because we didn’t have a clue or a plan. But fast-forward some years and we finally got it together. Now it’s easy to talk about money and our goals. Reason and rationality are key. Leave the emotion out, if possible, and better progress can be made.
Kathy’s last blog post..We’re Doomed Already
May 13th, 2008 at 6:40 am
We argue about it sometimes. And one reason is because Jan doesn’t always see the big picture… whereas I do. He wants a new gaming system and a new TV and a new computer, while I prefer to save a little bit for later. Now, I want the same stuff he wants, but I think I have slightly more patience than he does (that’s not saying much, really).
Anyways, I think these are great solutions… we use all of them. Right now, we are definitely working on the “set goals” one.
Jillian’s last blog post..Holy Matrimony
May 13th, 2008 at 8:20 am
Money ill-spent was a major problem in my relationship. He’s gone and I’m left footing the bills. I refuse to file bankruptcy as I need my credit to purchase a home (yes, I’m still holding on to my pipe dream). I started out blaming but realized it was having an even worst adverse effect on the schituation. So I switched up with “if we do this, then we can have money to do that”. Promises of doing better fell by the wayside and overpowered the relationship which in turn opened other cans of worms, when compiled atop of the financial macabre, ergo, I’m single and now struggling. Huge sigh! But the sun still shines for me. I have a plan and I’m working it and although things for my family have albeit come to a halt, we will be fine. Great post Natural.
May 13th, 2008 at 12:07 pm
33 years ago when we started dating we spoke about this topic at great length once we both realized that this was more than a dating relationship. I don’t think it would have lasted through 31 years of marriage otherwise. We are in our early to mid 50’s and are retired quite nicely financially, what does that say about money management?
May 13th, 2008 at 10:08 pm
That’s great you and hubby were able to get it together Kathy, some couples don’t survive. It’s a touchy subject and that’s a great point to leave the emotions out of it. It’s not always easy that’s why it needs to be practiced. The more you communicate, not scream, the easier it gets.
I understand how Jan(Yawn, did I get that right?)feels. We all love our toys. This is where a “budget” might come in handy. Money is to be enjoyed…we work. Every month I set aside “blow money” in my budget..it’s for me to act a fool with…I do whatever I want with it and I don’t feel bad about it…I’m single so there’s no one over my shoulder giving me the evil eye, but me. It’s not that we can’t have these things eventually, but when money is taken from household expenses like the mortgage, rent or groceries to buy a toy, Houston, Dallas and Austin, we have a problem! We can have toys (not too much debt) just save up for them, put a little away each month, then buy it outright. .02
Max, as one of my best friends, I know your situation well. As women, as single women, we have to make sure we know how to take care and protect ourselves first. Protect our credit, protect our accounts. If something doesn’t feel right, it’s for a reason…we can’t ignore these feelings in exchange for a dream. Face them, deal with them and proceed with knowledge. You will be fine and you know I’m always good for offering my opinion, even when you don’t ask for it…because I care. Oh yeah, I’m still good for that drive by too…I have plenty of bricks that need a good window. lol
MamaFlo…what do I think about your money management skills? 50 and retired did you say? I think you need to adopt me. Good job. You lived like no one else did years ago and now you’re living like no one else! You go!
May 14th, 2008 at 4:47 pm
Great post. It reminds me that I should speak up more. My husband pretty much handles everything, and if I don’t like it, I don’t have much cause to complain, because I don’t get involved. We had a few skirmishes in the early days, but we’ve settled into a pattern. Or a rut, depending on how you look at it!
JD at I Do Things’s last blog post..I Got Torn Apart so you don’t have to
May 14th, 2008 at 10:38 pm
Natural,
This my favorite post from you. So many marriages have been ruined by the argument over money. Having a candid conversation about the life goals, what is essential for happy life early on in the marriage can protect a financial wreckage later on in life.
Thanks for sharing this great article.
Shilpan
Shilpan | successsoul.com’s last blog post..Rainbow of Simplicity
May 15th, 2008 at 6:20 am
JD, don’t go getting your hubby mad, bring him a beer or two first then speak your peace. Seriously JD, it just seems like a loving thing when your mate shares the financial standings with you. Should someone “fall” the other could be there to lift them up. Trying to figure it all out while you’re in a situation is stressful.
Thanks Shilpan. It’s not the most romantic thing to sit down and talk about, but it’s necessary. Goals give you something to work toward, together…it unites and makes the union stronger.
Natural’s last blog post..The Good, The Bad, The Ugly and By the Way
May 23rd, 2008 at 2:36 pm
My wife & I never argue about money - although we do sometimes disagree about certain priorities. Thanks almost entirely to her financial prowess, we make our modest incomes stretch much, much farther than many couples we know who earn more - in some cases twice or better as much annually - than we do.
We place an emphasis on satisfaction over money at work. Several years ago, my wife actually took a substantial pay cut to move laterally into a position that offered less stress and was a more controllable environment. But she has since turned that job into a management-level position and made up for the cut - which she never considered a setback. Putting money first at work is what lands many, many people into jobs they despise and/or that consume far more of their time than they ever would’ve imagined.
We have everything in joint accounts and always discuss any purchases over about $75 - aside from normal stuff like groceries and such. We’re almost to the OCD point about researching stuff before we buy, but then when we do plunk down our bucks, we’re rarely burned.
Lastly, we use a Citi Dividends Mastercard credit card for nearly everything - literally! - and we cash in the max amount of cashback dividends each year. But we never, ever carry a balance from one month into another.
Rob O.s last blog post..Busted Again
May 24th, 2008 at 8:36 am
Rob O. sounds like you and your wife are handling your business. That’s great and impressive. Paying off your balance at the end of the month too is important if you choose to use credit cards, that’s where the CC companies make a lot of their money.