Who's pulling your strings or controlling your life?
Do you care what other people think about you? I asked a few people this question and they said they don’t care what other people think. Well actually they said they don’t give a rat’s *** what people think, but I was putting it nicely.
Sometimes it seems like the attitude today, and not just from the younger generation, is: I’ll do what I please and if you don’t like it, then you can shove it. Some people like to believe that they live in their own world and nothing they do affects anyone. There is more concern about self and less concern about others.
Then there are the people pleasers who spend too much time caring what others think about them. They don’t live their life based on their thoughts, but on the opinions and approval of others. They thrive and need acceptance from others to feel validated as a person. I was reading something that said this need is like a drug, “it’s so addictive that most people will not give it up – they will keep looking for approval because the hit is so intense.”
“The price of the approval drug is freedom – the freedom to be ourselves.”
Personally I don’t care what others think about me, most of the time people get it wrong anyway, but I do care how I am perceived. That means I’m okay with being weird (or being different) I can contently dance to the beat of my own drum, but if someone thinks I’m a horrible person, then we need to talk. I do care about my character, who I am as a person.
My question to you is: Where, and how, do you draw the line on how much influence and control you give other people. The comment section is open for your participation.
Michael Miles, the author of Thirty Days to Change Your Life, for Free said that we should “live our life by means of a set of values - not values imposed from the outside by others, but innate values which come from within. If we are driven by these values and not by the changing opinions and value systems of others, we will live a more authentic, effective purposeful and happy life.”
It’s been a few days and I’m still moping around like somebody drained my retirement account and sucked the life out of me right along with it. I think the term used to describe my demeanor was “out of character“. It’s true. First of all, I have nothing to say, no punch lines, no jokes, no nothing. That’s not me.
I haven’t felt like doing much of anything either, I’ve been on strike.1 Every living thing for itself.
Sleep seems to be the only thing on my mind these days. I hate to admit this, but earlier this week someone became ill at work and I was told that they were resting in the other room on the couch. After they finished giving me additional instructions, all I could think was: “There’s a couch in that room?”
I’ve been so pathetic that I even went on the internet and typed in a search for ways to get out of a bad mood. How lame. I should do what?
Listen to music and dance, I’m not a cast member of Fame. Breaking out in a song or dance in the middle of an attitude does not happen in real life. Although doing The Carlton Dance always makes me feel better.
Take a bubble bath. Ahhh, yes, that sounds nice. Get a massage? Pamper myself? Tell me more.
Get a make over? Do I really look that bad? I know it’s been days since I combed my hair and yes my appearance is connected to my mood.
Okay, fine. I’ll do it, but before I go for my extreme makeover, to all those who have been putting up with my attitude, I just want to say one thing: You should be used to me by now I’m sorry and thanks for not bailing. Send cookies.
Writing, laughing, etc. is therapeutic and it’s free. What gets you out of a funk? Thanks to [http://slam101.blogspot.com/] who gave me the idea to use meez.com in this blog post.
“A man [or woman] is only as happy as he chooses to be.” Abraham Lincoln
Is it safe to say that chronic complainers are unhappy people who are never satisfied? I think so. I’m no Ms. Positive, I complain, I think we all do at some point, but some people never stop complaining.
Maybe I’m getting old or less tolerant of people, but my truth is: I don’t want to hear it. I find myself avoiding these “energy suckers” because they are just too darn depressing and often times, they are not complaining about the issue but the symptom. I guess it would be hypocritical to sit here and complain about complainers, so how can we best deal with them without being mean or telling them to shut up.
Resist the urge to strangle or smother them with a pillow. I admit, I thought about this on a few occasions.
Listen to them. This is the difficult part, but important because it acknowledges their feelings and concerns. We can also listen for information, facts, what is not being said or the motive behind what was said.
Show empathy. Dr. Bernard Guerney of Pennsylvania State University says that empathy is ‘the capacity to appreciate the other person’s feelings and point of view—whether you agree with him or not.
Stay off the bandwagon. Someone, maybe at work, will start complaining about something and before we know it, we are right there with them feeding the fire. Complaining, especially to the wrong person, does not accomplish anything and now instead of having one unhappy person, we have two unhappy people.
In his book, The No Complaining Rule, Jon Gordon says one of the most important things we can do in business and in life is to stay positive with strategies that turn negative energy into positive solutions. The goal is not to eliminate all complaining, just mindless chronic complaining.
How do you deal with complainers in your life and at work? I like this humorous take in the video below.
