Should You Care What Other People Think?

Who's pulling your strings or controlling your life?

Do you care what other people think about you? I asked a few people this question and they said they don’t care what other people think. Well actually they said they don’t give a rat’s *** what people think, but I was putting it nicely.

Sometimes it seems like the attitude today, and not just from the younger generation, is: I’ll do what I please and if you don’t like it, then you can shove it. Some people like to believe that they live in their own world and nothing they do affects anyone. There is more concern about self and less concern about others.

Then there are the people pleasers who spend too much time caring what others think about them. They don’t live their life based on their thoughts, but on the opinions and approval of others. They thrive and need acceptance from others to feel validated as a person. I was reading something that said this need is like a drug, “it’s so addictive that most people will not give it up – they will keep looking for approval because the hit is so intense.”

“The price of the approval drug is freedom – the freedom to be ourselves.”

Personally I don’t care what others think about me, most of the time people get it wrong anyway, but I do care how I am perceived. That means I’m okay with being weird (or being different) I can contently dance to the beat of my own drum, but if someone thinks I’m a horrible person, then we need to talk. I do care about my character, who I am as a person.

My question to you is: Where, and how, do you draw the line on how much influence and control you give other people. The comment section is open for your participation.

Michael Miles, the author of Thirty Days to Change Your Life, for Free said that we should “live our life by means of a set of values - not values imposed from the outside by others, but innate values which come from within. If we are driven by these values and not by the changing opinions and value systems of others, we will live a more authentic, effective purposeful and happy life.”

Photo by starpixie on Flickr

You’re So Vain You Probably Think This Post Is About You

Many years ago when I was much younger and could stay up late, I had a night time ritual. Every night before I went to bed, I would watch at least an hour of stand-up comedy on television.

I studied comedians, got to know some of them by face and many of them by name.  One night there was this new comedian performing, I don’t remember his name,¹ but I remember a portion of his act.

He joked about how everyone was always in a panic to be first. First in line to get the latest gadget. First in line at the bank. First in line at the grocery store.  He said: You know what? I don’t wanna be first, I wanna be next!²

Even though it was meant as a joke, I’ve never forgotten it and consider it one of my life lessons.  It made me wonder why we make everything, simple things, a competition to be first? I don’t know, maybe we are inherently competitive and can’t help ourselves?

There’s a guy named Greg Packer who makes a “hobby out of attending public appearances and is known for being first in line for such occasions. He is even credited with being first in line to purchase an iPhone in 2007, 110 hours before it went on sale.” Why?

I guess we love being first.  We get the attention, the bragging rights and let’s face it, sometimes it feels good being on top, but sometimes it’s an exhausting race to nowhere.

“Does being first really have the upper hand over being second or even fifth? Not necessarily.  Sometimes getting the formula right matters more than doing it first.” ³

I’m learning to be content with next.

1. sorry I’m old now [↩]
2. Awh come on, that’s funny [↩]
3. Quote from Ben Tracy [↩]

Being Human In the Age of the Electronic Mob

“Has the Internet seduced us into thinking that we can in fact live in a world without other flesh and blood people, we can just deal with screen people.” Paul Comrie-Thomson

Photo @ illuminati-news.com

The other day I was talking with a friend who commented on how the use of the Internet has made people so impersonal that it’s taking the place of human interaction.

She said that “people are missing out on real pivotal moments in life because they are too plugged in, always stuck in front of the computer.”

After I got off the phone, I called at least 3 people to say hi, not that I don’t call them anyway, but I’m technology dependent, and sending an email hello is “normal”, preferred really.

Instead of picking up the phone to emotionally connect with someone and listening to their voice, phone calls have been replaced by text messaging, emails or tweets.  Technology has made it so that we don’t have to deal with humans if we don’t want to.

A few weeks ago, we had dinner with an elderly family friend, she has to be at least 89 years old, visiting from Virginia.

She passed out her calling card printed with her name, address and phone number on it.  After examining the card for a few seconds and looking on the back side, I said: “Where’s your email address, how am I supposed to contact you?”  She said, “Use the phone number.” ¹  Sometimes a phone call is better because we get to hear emotions and true feelings that we would not get in an email or text message.

I love the Internet, its usefulness, its convenience but life is not the sum of conveniences. In fact, it would probably be less convenient, but it might also be more meaningful, especially when we examine the social and psychological dislocations that it’s caused. ²

How do you stay “human” when technology makes it so easy for us to be emotionally detached.  Does time spent online outweigh the time spent interacting with family and friends?  Has technology affected our thinking and way of life that it is fast becoming, not our servant, but our master?

Additional Reading:
Against the Machine: Being Human in the Age of the Electronic Mob

1.   I hate the phone [↩]
2. social isolation [↩]

Do Excuses Negate Responsibility?

I have a million of them, no not dollars, but excuses, especially when it comes to why I think I can’t do something. Some excuses are lame, some are funny and they are so easy to make up. In some ways, they had become my truth. I believed them.

Lately, I’ve been listening to myself and others talk and I’m learning that one thing I don’t like about excuses is that they negate a try. I hear this a lot, “I can’t save money because I don’t have any money to save.” Under some circumstances this is true, but the possibility of saving may never happen if we have already excused ourselves from trying.

Rationaliza
tion is the process of trying to hide shameful conduct from ourselves.

I’m working on not using an excuse as a reason for not trying.  They do nothing but keep me from doing something.

Yesterday I woke up an hour later than usual and I was like darn, I’m going to be late! Immediately my body shut down and I started dragging my butt.  Then I said, well let me at least try to make it.  I had to reduce time spent on a few things, but I made it.  No, not everything is preventable, but some things are worth a try. I had a problem with tardiness, but since putting forth an effort, I have not been late once.

Excuses? Kind or Harmful. What do you think?  Also, do you prefer someone tell you they don’t want to do something or do you prefer the “flowery” excuse?

Chuck Gallozzi of Personal-Development.com suggested that we discover solutions instead of inventing excuses by planting this Garden of Success:

First, plant 3 rows of peas;

Patience
Positive thinking
Persistence

Next, plant 3 rows of squash;

Squash excuses
Squash blame
Squash criticism

Then, plant 3 rows of lettuce;

Let us be responsible
Let us be trustworthy
Let us be ambitious

Finish, with 3 rows of turnip;

Turn up when needed
Turn up with a smile
Turn up with confidence

Traffic: Flaw in Design or Drivers?

It just so happened before I embarked on what should have been a 1.5 hour drive down the NJTP, that I received an email review from The New York Times of a book entitled Traffic.

Warning or Coincidence?

Let’s just say I sat on the Turnpike for so long, that twice I thought I was being followed until I realized that car behind me couldn’t get off the freeway either. ¹

I have my own theories on the ‘whys’ of traffic:

1. Merging
2. Failure to anticipate²

When I drive on the highway/freeway and I’m approaching merging traffic, if I’m in the slow lane,³ I move over to the middle lane to keep traffic moving. If I have to brake, so might the cars behind me.

Merging traffic is like double dutch, I drive in a way that allows people to jump in without stopping the flow. Same thing on the street. If I let one car turn left or right, even though I have the right of way, 10 cars can move on both sides again instead of holding up traffic.

I only got a blurb of the book, but Mr. Vanderbilt, the author of Traffic, says that traffic jams are not caused by flaws in road design, but by flaws in human nature. Rubber necking is caused by gawkers (people who slow down to look at accidents, dumped furniture or to dig out their cell phone to take a picture - “digi-necking”).

He also mentions in his book that because driving doesn’t command 100% of our attention, we feel comfortable multi-tasking: talking on the phone, eating, taking pictures and reading. The results? Accidents and traffic.

Okay, I admit, when I was sitting in first gear, I whipped out my camera. Maybe I learned to steer the wheel using my knees and it’s possible when traffic finally started moving, I glanced around for an explanation,⁴ but found none.

Who’s to blame? Road design or drivers? Here’s a video of Tom on the Today Show Video. I think my blog is about to crash.

1. Traffic births paranoia. [↩]
2. or care [↩]
3. which I usually am [↩]
4. bodies, ambulance, old couch [↩]