Traffic: Flaw in Design or Drivers?

It just so happened before I embarked on what should have been a 1.5 hour drive down the NJTP, that I received an email review from The New York Times of a book entitled Traffic.

Warning or Coincidence?

Let’s just say I sat on the Turnpike for so long, that twice I thought I was being followed until I realized that car behind me couldn’t get off the freeway either. ¹

I have my own theories on the ‘whys’ of traffic:

1. Merging
2. Failure to anticipate²

When I drive on the highway/freeway and I’m approaching merging traffic, if I’m in the slow lane,³ I move over to the middle lane to keep traffic moving. If I have to brake, so might the cars behind me.

Merging traffic is like double dutch, I drive in a way that allows people to jump in without stopping the flow. Same thing on the street. If I let one car turn left or right, even though I have the right of way, 10 cars can move on both sides again instead of holding up traffic.

I only got a blurb of the book, but Mr. Vanderbilt, the author of Traffic, says that traffic jams are not caused by flaws in road design, but by flaws in human nature. Rubber necking is caused by gawkers (people who slow down to look at accidents, dumped furniture or to dig out their cell phone to take a picture - “digi-necking”).

He also mentions in his book that because driving doesn’t command 100% of our attention, we feel comfortable multi-tasking: talking on the phone, eating, taking pictures and reading. The results? Accidents and traffic.

Okay, I admit, when I was sitting in first gear, I whipped out my camera. Maybe I learned to steer the wheel using my knees and it’s possible when traffic finally started moving, I glanced around for an explanation,⁴ but found none.

Who’s to blame? Road design or drivers? Here’s a video of Tom on the Today Show Video. I think my blog is about to crash.

1. Traffic births paranoia. [↩]
2. or care [↩]
3. which I usually am [↩]
4. bodies, ambulance, old couch [↩]

Are You Feeling Guilty Over Something?

Just out of curiosity, are you feeling guilty about something right now, if so, what is it?

You don’t have to confess your sins in the comment section.¹ I’m not referring to the guilt we might feel when we do something morally wrong, but just in every day life.

Here’s what I’m feeling guilty about right now:

• Spending too much time on the computer
• Not putting away the laundry and cleaning the fish tank
• Not doing a favor for someone when they asked

Bloggers. Do you feel guilty when you have not posted in days or you haven’t replied to your comments right away?

If you weren’t feeling guilty before you read this, are you feeling guilty now?

Parents. Do you feel guilty when you take “me” time instead of spending it with your kid(s). Do you feel guilty when you have to go to work or you miss the school play?

Spouses. Do you feel guilty if you spend more time with your online friends than you do with your spouse or does guilt make you feel responsible for their happiness?

You.  Do you feel guilty that you’re not working on your big project or a hobby?

Guilt is everywhere, but why do we feel it and what does it really accomplish? On her website over at SelfCreation.com, Jennifer listed four reasons on why she felt guilt:

1. To get herself to behave differently
2. She thought good people were supposed to feel guilty
3. To show others she was a good person

She said her most popular reason for guilt was to try to get herself to do something she thought she “should” be doing, or stop herself from doing something she didn’t think she “should” be doing.”

A lot of times we carry around imagined guilt, it’s only in our mind and serves no real purpose. Even now, I’m feeling guilty about this long post, but I want to share a personal experience before I go.

My daughter is not home this week and I probably won’t see her again until Friday and then she leaves for Maryland on Sunday. So I’m feeling guilty because we’re not together.

Yesterday I went out with some girlfriends and I got home earlier than I thought, so I said I would drive out to see my kid, read with her and get a hug, that I probably needed.

Well when I got to where she was, you would’ve thought I busted up her party. I didn’t get the reception I thought I deserved, it wasn’t a short drive either. ² It was then that I stopped feeling guilty about us being apart, obviously, she’s fine with it, why wasn’t I? My guilt didn’t make her any happier, it was self-serving, to make me feel better.

I gave her a kiss, said good night and left my guilt behind. I feel less stress and guilt now.  She called me this morning and said, “Hi Mom.” I said, “Who is this?” She didn’t get the joke, she answered me.³

Hey, the truth is not the only thing that will set you free!  Learn to let go.

Letting Go
To let go doesn’t mean to stop caring,
it means I can’t do it for someone else.
To let go is not to cut myself off,
it’s the realization that I can’t control another.
To let go is not to enable,
but to allow learning from natural consequences.
To let go is to admit powerlessness,
which means the outcome is not in my hands.
To let go is not to try to change or blame another,
I can only change myself.
To let go is not to care for,
but to care about.
To let go is not to fix,
but to be supportive.
To let go is not to judge,
but to allow another to be a human being.
To let go is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes,
but to allow others to effect their own outcomes.
To let go is not to be protective,
but to permit another to face reality.
To let go is not to deny,
but to accept.
To let go is not to nag, scold, or argue,
but to search out my own shortcomings and to correct them.
To let go is not to adjust everything to my desires,
but to take each day as it comes.
To let go is not to criticize and regulate anyone,
but to try to become what I dream I can be.
To let go is not to regret the past,
but to grow and live for the future.
To let go is to fear less and love more.

From “The Grace Awakening” by Chuck Swindoll

Photo by Zawaj.com

1. unless you want to [↩]
2. I thought I was super mom making that drive [↩]
3. I don’t think she’s mine, where’s her sense of humor? [↩]

Dumb Down

Has the advancement of technology contributed to the decrease of intellect or in other words, are you “dumber” than you were 10 years ago because of spell check?

What prompts my question is a book I’m reading, okay skimming, entitled Dumbing Down. The authors have concluded that:

National intelligence is plummeting and our society is essentially a consumer’s society where leisure time is used, no longer for self-perfection or acquisition of more social status, but for more consumption and more entertainment.

The results? We have been dumb downed and the effects can be seen in every aspect of our lives, but not limited to, such as in education, politics, journalism, literature, film and religion.

From my every other chapter understanding of this book we are a people no longer challenged or required to think. We don’t read and we live in a simple, user-friendly, push button society. We spend an exhaustible amount of time engaging in or watching asinine, bizarre and third rate entertainment while being spoon fed deficient information.

I thought the book was a little harsh, but it did communicate some valid points.

Has spell check ruined my life? You’re darn right it has, I can’t spell worth a darn anymore and I refuse to learn another phone number when I can just program it into my phone. Whose fault is it? Mine. We all have to assume personal responsibility when it comes to the choices we make and how we choose to spend our time. If we are “dumb” as a result, we have no one to blame, but ourselves. Maybe.

Are being duped by “some deliberate commercial strategy, an active procedure with goals of its own rather than a passive experience?” What do you think?

What most people don’t seem to realize is that there is just as much money to be made out of the wreckage of a civilization as from the upbuilding of one. Rhett Butler

The Rise of the Freemale

As I do every M-F, I was listening to my favorite radio show last week (hi T&C) and they were discussing a new term I never heard before so I thought I would mention it here to see what people think about it.

There’s a rising number of women who choose to live without a man or family called The Freemale. Okay?

Here are some definitions for The Freemale that I found on the web:

A new breed of independent, single women showing that they don’t need a man to be happy;

Women who choose to be alone, and rejoice in a life where they can spend time and money as they wish;

Manless females who are too busy living life to the full to make space for a second tooth brush by the bathroom sink.

These definitions do make The Freemale seem rather selfish or self-centered rather than it being a conscious and personal choice.  What’s the difference?  Maybe these women choose to do otherwise with their life that has nothing to do with material things or too busy to be bothered. 

Some people feel that The Freemale’s reasons for not being in a relationship are less than truthful and that the real reason they are not in a relationship is because either they can’t find a man or no one has asked them to marry.

Basically, if a woman says she’s not interested in a romantic relationship with a man or in having a family, she’s lying. It’s every woman’s “happily ever after” to be married with 2.5 kids, the dog and the white picket fence.

I don’t know how you *show* that you don’t need a man, and who walks around saying they don’t need one?   Not me!  That would seem more weird to me than actually not being interested in one, but there are women out there who prefer to be unattached. I also know couples who choose to remain childless.  People refer to these situations as self-centered and selfish.  Are they?

Just thinking, is it every woman’s desire to be in a relationship? Do you think there are women out there who have made a conscious decision to live without a man (family) and are happy doing so, or are they being less than truthful?

Man Gives Couple $100,000…

I watched this story on Yahoo! and I thought, wow what a great story and then I heard the conditions. The couple has to name their next child after him (the giver) and they also have to build a house with the money. A child (and a house) is a huge expense and had I known he wanted a child with naming rights out of the deal, I would have written a bigger check! Now if having another child was in their future, okay, this is a great start, but if not, I wouldn’t rush into fulfilling this promise too soon. I probably would put the money somewhere it could grow and not touch it for a few years.

This got me to thinking: If you gave someone a monetary gift, do you have the right to tell them how to spend it? Would you put any conditions on it? (This excludes minor children).

The story is heartwarming and the saying proves true, “there is greater happiness in giving than there is in receiving!”