The Rise of the Freemale

As I do every M-F, I was listening to my favorite radio show last week (hi T&C) and they were discussing a new term I never heard before so I thought I would mention it here to see what people think about it.

There’s a rising number of women who choose to live without a man or family called The Freemale. Okay?

Here are some definitions for The Freemale that I found on the web:

A new breed of independent, single women showing that they don’t need a man to be happy;

Women who choose to be alone, and rejoice in a life where they can spend time and money as they wish;

Manless females who are too busy living life to the full to make space for a second tooth brush by the bathroom sink.

These definitions do make The Freemale seem rather selfish or self-centered rather than it being a conscious and personal choice.  What’s the difference?  Maybe these women choose to do otherwise with their life that has nothing to do with material things or too busy to be bothered. 

Some people feel that The Freemale’s reasons for not being in a relationship are less than truthful and that the real reason they are not in a relationship is because either they can’t find a man or no one has asked them to marry.

Basically, if a woman says she’s not interested in a romantic relationship with a man or in having a family, she’s lying. It’s every woman’s “happily ever after” to be married with 2.5 kids, the dog and the white picket fence.

I don’t know how you *show* that you don’t need a man, and who walks around saying they don’t need one?   Not me!  That would seem more weird to me than actually not being interested in one, but there are women out there who prefer to be unattached. I also know couples who choose to remain childless.  People refer to these situations as self-centered and selfish.  Are they?

Just thinking, is it every woman’s desire to be in a relationship? Do you think there are women out there who have made a conscious decision to live without a man (family) and are happy doing so, or are they being less than truthful?

Man Gives Couple $100,000…

I watched this story on Yahoo! and I thought, wow what a great story and then I heard the conditions. The couple has to name their next child after him (the giver) and they also have to build a house with the money. A child (and a house) is a huge expense and had I known he wanted a child with naming rights out of the deal, I would have written a bigger check! Now if having another child was in their future, okay, this is a great start, but if not, I wouldn’t rush into fulfilling this promise too soon. I probably would put the money somewhere it could grow and not touch it for a few years.

This got me to thinking: If you gave someone a monetary gift, do you have the right to tell them how to spend it? Would you put any conditions on it? (This excludes minor children).

The story is heartwarming and the saying proves true, “there is greater happiness in giving than there is in receiving!”

What Is Success?

Several weeks ago, I sent out an email to 25 of my friends asking their opinion on these two questions:

What is it about someone that makes you say they are successful?
What do you see?What does success mean to you?Here’s what five people had to say on success:

• “The best way to measure success if you are a parent is to look at your kids.”
• “Success to me is a person that remained faithful serving God to the end of his life.”
• “Success to me is a comfortable home, family and friends.”
• “When I see someone and think to myself, “they must be successful”, I look for signs of wealth, especially wealth greater than my own.”
• “The people I see as successful are the people who have the big jobs, the big houses, the big cars. The ones who don’t have to settle for the chicken instead of the filet mignon on the menu and don’t have to wait for the shoes they want to go on sale before they buy them.”

When I hear someone refer to someone else as being successful almost always they have the well paying job or practice, a college degree, designer clothes, a big house, the stable family and a luxury car, or two. They have the appearance of being well-off financially, they are the proverbial Joneses.

When I think of someone as being successful, financial success is probably foremost in my mind because if you have money, you have options. This is why parents want their kids to do well in school, go to college and get a well paying job so they don’t have to struggle financially. Albeit financial success should not be the only success in life, I do believe it can be a foundation for building upon other successes.

What does success mean to me? Success means balanced achievements throughout my life that yield a variety of blessings. Success is not one thing in particular, but it’s winning by measured degrees of accomplishments. This is a hard question to tackle because there is no definite answer. I do believe a successful person lives a life of “desire, dedication and determination”*. A paragraph from the book As a Man Thinketh states that “Men are anxious to improve their circumstances, but are unwilling to improve themselves.” This means that success does not come easy, it’s hard work and it requires change! A successful person must make personal sacrifices in their life to achieve their goals.

Here are a few things I have noticed about successful people:
Successful people have a plan.
Successful people are not duped into quick fixes.
Successful people do not look for shortcuts.
Successful people realize their success “is the sum of small efforts totaled up to create critical mass.”*
Success starts with you! So now, I’m asking you: What is it about someone that makes you say they are successful and what does success mean to you?

Picture Credit of Success Blocks found here

*Heard on the Dave Ramsey Show

Today, I Bought My Mother A Cane

Dear Blog,

It’s me, Valerie, are you listening? So much has happened these past few weeks and I’ve been meaning to sit down to have a heart to heart talk with you about what’s on my mind. I know I don’t share everything with you that I should, not because a lack of trust, it’s just that my walls of Jericho don’t crumble so easy. I let a few selected people in, I allow them to get next to me, for the others, I remain an enigma. I promise to let you in more often. Today, I am willing to open a window.

My mom has not been feeling well off and on for a while because of leg pain. She called me early this morning and asked if I could come by before I went to work. Never before have I seen my mom in a helpless situation, she could hardly walk, or maybe I have and was too dumb to notice. Over a decade ago, she announced to my brother and me (I also have a sister, and another set of siblings from my father) that growing up we were poor. We looked at each other in disbelief, none of us knew, why didn’t she tell us?  Maybe we could have acted differently. She was always a pillar of strength in my mind and showed us nothing less.

It frightened me to see her that way, to see her in pain, to see her cry.

At times, going up and down the steps at home is impossible for her, so I checked in on her several times throughout the day. Four times, to be exact. She seems to be very happy with the cane and can get around a little. She looked at the picture instructions attached to the cane and asked if it adjusted. I said, “No, the adjustable one cost a lot of money and after seeing the price, I said you can bend.” We had a laugh.

I took her some dinner after work and some medication for the pain. I called her on the phone minutes ago and she’s feeling a lot better now and so am I. Three weeks ago, I bought my mother a washing machine. Today, I bought my mother a cane.

You Cannot Slave For Two Masters

…for either you will hate the one and love the other or be devoted to the one and despise the other.

I’ve been quite busy these last few days pretending to be the grown up I think I am (I keep live plants as a reminder that I am a grown up), trying to prioritize things in my life and get more stuff done.

I haven’t blogged in a few days and not because I haven’t been thinking about it or haven’t had anything to write, I always have something to say. In fact, this morning I woke up composing this post in my head, a dream turned reality, words were just pouring out of my brain making it difficult to go back to sleep.

Truth is, I’ve been spending too much time on the web, more time than I need to be, going to bed late and waking up sleepy. I feel like I’m serving two masters and often times ‘hating’ one or anything that comes between my computer time. I’m unbalanced. While I do get some things done, I don’t feel like I’m giving the necessary, and more important, things the proper attention they deserve.

I’m a busy person with a lot of interests and I need to explore them all, that’s me: A jack of all trades and a master of none. The only thing I could come up with that might make this happen is some sort of schedule. So over the next few days I will be writing out some kind of schedule to help me manage my time better. I already have a mental schedule of when I will do some things, I just have to put it on paper. I think a schedule will lessen the anxiety of when something will get done if I break it up into smaller pieces rather than looking at pile of stuff to do.

I don’t know too many people who have a schedule or maybe even a to-do list, but if you do, please share your story with me on how you make it all work. If you don’t have a schedule, what works for you? Are you on top of stuff or have things fallen by the way side?