Oh Baby….

I guess the big entertainment news this week would have to be the pregnancy announcement from 16 year old Jamie Lynn Spears.

My thoughts: The focus here is not really about the pregnancy, that’s what happens when you have sex. Duh. There is always that possibility regardless of the protective measures you put your trust. I don’t know how becoming pregnant came as a shock to Jamie Lynn and her beau either, shocking is “waking up one day and discovering you can get bacon out of your elbow”.*

It does seem a bit hypocritical of people to be overly concerned with the fact that she’s pregnant and not concerned with the fact that she was having sex at 16. It’s okay to have premarital sex, just don’t get pregnant or if you do, make sure it doesn’t become public knowledge. I say don’t be mad with the results, be mad with the steps that got you there.

We’ve all made our share of mistakes in life, sometimes they are made public and sometimes they are made in private. We need to stop looking at these darn entertainers as though they are held to a higher standard of morality. So what they are in the public eye, we are all fallible! Yeah you might HOPE that some might consider their actions because of who they are, but don’t bank on it, you will be disappointed every time. Don’t expect too much, keep your role models within your own home.

*Quote by Murphy Brown

Here’s a preview of the new book from JL’s mom.

Don’t Forget to Wear Your Rubbers

Don’t you just love when you are in a public place where there is food and people grab bread or something else with their hands, break it in half and put the other half back? As if someone wants to eat what you just touched.

Isn’t it also comforting to walk into an establishment, order a bagel, only to have the person behind the counter stab your food with their index finger and say: “Did you mean this one?” It’s the only one left of your favorite kind, so you suck it up and reply, “Yes.”

Our hands are busy little claws that can quickly go to where the itch is and we don’t even realize where our hands have been. I know a friend of a friend that I often dine with who hates when the waiter or waitress touches the top of her glass (around the rim) to refill her drink. She will request a new glass and if the new glass comes back with the old straw, she will ask how did that old straw get into the new glass! Lol. She requests a new unwrapped straw. Very entertaining to watch.

It’s true, we don’t know where the food has been before it reached us and that’s fine. It could have fallen on the floor, someone could have sneezed on it, maybe someone scratched something and did not wash their hands. Fine, but I don’t think anybody wants to see or be reminded of what we know to be true. So if you work in a public place and you are handling food and money, don’t forget to wear your rubbers. If your job puts out food for their employees and you only want half of something, use a napkin instead of your hands.

No, the germs won’t kill us, maybe, but do you really want someone’s hand in your mouth, that you don’t know? Almost the same thing to the germaphobics out there.

Play with my mind and wear your rubbers, it makes me feel safe. I won’t even go into double dipping, but I will say usually I like to select my saliva exchange partner.

Stupid News

News: Ga. man tries to deposit fake $1M bill. He walked into the bank and tried to open an account by depositing a fake $1 million bill. The employee refused to open the account and called police while the man started to curse at bank workers.
ThinkingOutLoud…Wants to scream. Why is he getting upset? If you are going to do something this stupid, at least pick a smaller bill, idiot! The federal government has never printed a $1M bill and if they did, who would have change for it? Verdict: Pick up your Stupid Award, do not go pass go and go straight to jail.

News: Woman put mom’s body in bags. A woman was arrested Tuesday after she told police she dumped the body of her 83-year-old mother into two garbage bags. She didn’t report the death of her mother because she was being evicted and wanted to cash the woman’s retirement checks.
ThinkingOutLoud: You ungrateful little witch. What happen to honor thy mother, hasn’t your mother spent enough money on you in life and you want her to support you in death? Don’t worry about finding a new home now, hopefully your new real estate agent, Mr. Prosecutor, has a lovely cell for you at the county jail. Verdict: Winner of the “If I Only Had a Heart and Brain Award”…Heartless Selfish Witch could not be here to pick up her award, it will be mailed to her in a million little pieces.

News: Man arrested for shooting traffic camera. He fired at least three rounds from a .30-06 hunting rifle at the camera, knocking it out of action. Patrol officers heard shots and spotted a minivan leaving the parking lot.
ThinkingOutLoud: Okay, maybe I could understand this one if you have been caught in the past and have road rage, but could you at least pick a faster get a way car other than a minivan? Verdict: Crowned for the Stupid Is as Stupid Does Award.

News: Found, 60lbs of Pot. The Florida Highway Patrol says anyone missing two big bags of pot can call their Tampa area office. A crew picking up litter from along Interstate 4 near Tuesday morning made an unusual find: two big plastic garbage bags stuffed with freshly harvested marijuana.
ThinkingOutLoud: They obviously forgot to close the evidence bag. Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me. I’m surprised the “crew” turned it in. Verdict: Someone too stupid to recognize a trap will try to claim it.

I Can’t Afford to Be A Woman Anymore

I am almost afraid to do the math, but I know I cost a lot of money to maintain and I just can’t afford me anymore. Woman have to look good, smell good and dress nice. This cost money, who is going to help pay for this? I’m sure someone (besides you or me) is benefiting from the upkeep.

Well, if you are married, maybe your husband could pay for your maintenance, but I’m almost certain that if he knew what it cost to be a woman, you might turn up missing. This is why some women hide what they buy and sneak clothes in to the house.

What if you are single with significant other? Well if you do have a significant other, maybe he could pay for it, but what happens if you break up. He’ll say something juvenile like I want all of my stuff back, then what? You are back to not being able to afford yourself.

Here’s a solution to satisfy (well an attempt to) women everywhere. I’m thinking there should be government funded centers for women stocked with monthly care packages, nothing fancy. I’m thinking a bag filled with a manicure and pedicure kit, deodorant, tweezers, razors, make-up, sanitary napkins, pantyhose, vaseline, lotion, cotton balls, night cream and a coupon for a free pair of shoes and a hair cut.

Yes, I learned to do many things myself that women pay to get done to save time and money or I may not get it done at all and just look a mess. There are also other necessities such as shoes that can walk you right to the poor house, literally. Guys, you know women need a lot of shoes. We need the heel, the pump and the loafer in at least 3 colors for each pair. Shoes costs $50-$100 a pair.

You want to be able to run your hand through your woman’s hair, successfully? I just got a hair cut for this purpose alone. That cost at least $120 - $150 a month for a basic wash, if done weekly.

We have to smell good too? Yep, woman cannot live on soap alone! Personally, I import my fragrances from France and that’s not cheap and no one is complaining but me. The fragrance has to fit the activity and my mood.

Clothes? We need outfits to match the occasion. There’s the mall outfit, the exercise outfit, lunch with the girls outfit, work clothes, dinner clothes, where does it end? I try to keep my look conservative, simple and free of fads and designer labels, but it’s still expensive to look like Plain Jane.

I won’t even go into the time it takes to put all of this together, I just know, I can’t afford to be a woman anymore.

Okay, I’m done ranting for the day. Ladies, how much is your monthly upkeep. Hey if anyone has a solution on How to Be a Woman on a Shoe String Budget, call me.

What’s the Big Rush?

I love to drive, but don’t tell my mom or she will have me chauffeuring her around from store to store. One thing I have noticed when on the road is that everyone always seems to be in a rush.

People are zipping in and out of lanes, cutting people off, making a right turn from the left lane all to sit at the next red light. I understand sometimes we may run late, but the funny thing about being late is YOU NO LONGER HAVE TO RUSH, YOU’RE ALREADY LATE!

When I was learning to drive my stick shift, I could not get out of first gear quick enough, people behind me had zero tolerance for even a 2 second hesitation. The minute the light turned green, they wanted me gone!

Sure, we’re supposed to live everyday as if it were our last, but can you not kill me in the process of your last day. I like breathing.

We all go a little (some a lot) over the speed limit, myself included, but there always seems to be a constant rush on the road. I don’t know, maybe it’s just us crazy New Jersey drivers.

What is the big rush?

P.S. Do Nuns get speeding ticket? (and no flying nun jokes, lol)