Come Again

I went to K-Mart today at lunch time to get a few items and when I walked in the door, it was like I had just landed on Mars. I have never been to Mars so I am okay with not knowing my way around. I have, however, been to this K-Mart before, only to find out they changed the layout of the freaking store! Houston, we have a problem!

I walked around the store like an illiterate insomniac looking for a sleeping pill (no offense to illiterate insomniacs). I saw the signs hanging from the ceiling telling me which department I was in, but I just could not read them. My face was stuck in some kind of botox-injected paralyzed grin. I wanted to speak! I wanted to scream, but my mouth just hung ajar.

So, I continued my nomadic stroll around the store and observed the faces of the alien creatures and I seemed to be the only one bothered by the new layout. What, no warning? What happened to the pardon our appearance sign? It’s like coming home and finding your bedroom in the kitchen!

Why does this bother me? Maybe I don’t like change and when I go into a store, I know exactly where I need to go. I get in and I get out. Today, it took me 20 minutes before I could even put anything in my cart! I couldn’t find anything! I also walk with a purpose and today my stride was broken. My swagger was humbled. The layout also didn’t make sense either, it didn’t flow.

On my way out when I stopped to show the security guard my receipt, I leaned in and asked: Who said K-Mart could change the layout of the store?

He laughed and said, Oh yeah everything has been changed.

I said, No, I’m serious, who authorized this?

To K-Mart: I just want to say, I’m on to you. This is just a marketing ploy to slow down your regular customers, like myself, who breeze in and out of the store without looking at the other items you have for sale. This tactic is just to confuse the bejeezers out of your regulars and the only way we can get comfortable with change is to, come again.

I think it worked, I’m going back next week, but I’m leaving my debit card at home.

Why I Hate Halloween

There are so many reasons why I don’t like this holiday. Here’s a short list:

1. Most of the movies shown in October are horror movies. I’m scared.
2. The holiday can have a demonic or magical overtone. This freightens me.
3. It’s a commercial based holiday just to get your money. I’m already broke.
4. I read the origin of Halloween. I’m not impressed.
5. What or who are we honoring again? The Dead?

I know, I’m being an ogre, a killjoy, a party pooper and I’m supposed to go with the flow, but I’m sure I can sit this one out.

Signed,
Happy Shallow Queen!