Who's pulling your strings or controlling your life?
Do you care what other people think about you? I asked a few people this question and they said they don’t care what other people think. Well actually they said they don’t give a rat’s *** what people think, but I was putting it nicely.
Sometimes it seems like the attitude today, and not just from the younger generation, is: I’ll do what I please and if you don’t like it, then you can shove it. Some people like to believe that they live in their own world and nothing they do affects anyone. There is more concern about self and less concern about others.
Then there are the people pleasers who spend too much time caring what others think about them. They don’t live their life based on their thoughts, but on the opinions and approval of others. They thrive and need acceptance from others to feel validated as a person. I was reading something that said this need is like a drug, “it’s so addictive that most people will not give it up – they will keep looking for approval because the hit is so intense.”
“The price of the approval drug is freedom – the freedom to be ourselves.”
Personally I don’t care what others think about me, most of the time people get it wrong anyway, but I do care how I am perceived. That means I’m okay with being weird (or being different) I can contently dance to the beat of my own drum, but if someone thinks I’m a horrible person, then we need to talk. I do care about my character, who I am as a person.
My question to you is: Where, and how, do you draw the line on how much influence and control you give other people. The comment section is open for your participation.
Michael Miles, the author of Thirty Days to Change Your Life, for Free said that we should “live our life by means of a set of values - not values imposed from the outside by others, but innate values which come from within. If we are driven by these values and not by the changing opinions and value systems of others, we will live a more authentic, effective purposeful and happy life.”
“A man [or woman] is only as happy as he chooses to be.” Abraham Lincoln
Is it safe to say that chronic complainers are unhappy people who are never satisfied? I think so. I’m no Ms. Positive, I complain, I think we all do at some point, but some people never stop complaining.
Maybe I’m getting old or less tolerant of people, but my truth is: I don’t want to hear it. I find myself avoiding these “energy suckers” because they are just too darn depressing and often times, they are not complaining about the issue but the symptom. I guess it would be hypocritical to sit here and complain about complainers, so how can we best deal with them without being mean or telling them to shut up.
Resist the urge to strangle or smother them with a pillow. I admit, I thought about this on a few occasions.
Listen to them. This is the difficult part, but important because it acknowledges their feelings and concerns. We can also listen for information, facts, what is not being said or the motive behind what was said.
Show empathy. Dr. Bernard Guerney of Pennsylvania State University says that empathy is ‘the capacity to appreciate the other person’s feelings and point of view—whether you agree with him or not.
Stay off the bandwagon. Someone, maybe at work, will start complaining about something and before we know it, we are right there with them feeding the fire. Complaining, especially to the wrong person, does not accomplish anything and now instead of having one unhappy person, we have two unhappy people.
In his book, The No Complaining Rule, Jon Gordon says one of the most important things we can do in business and in life is to stay positive with strategies that turn negative energy into positive solutions. The goal is not to eliminate all complaining, just mindless chronic complaining.
How do you deal with complainers in your life and at work? I like this humorous take in the video below.
I’m going to change things up a bit on Money Monday. Instead of money tips, I’ll blog about a finance related matter. The titles will also change and since I like even numbers, this will be the last post ending in a Tip.
Today’s topic: Prenups.
What is a prenup? A prenuptial agreement, antenuptial agreement, or premarital agreement, commonly abbreviated to prenup or prenupt, is a contract entered into by two people prior to marriage or civil union. The content of a prenuptial agreement can vary widely, but commonly includes provisions for the division of property should the couple divorce and any rights to spousal support during or after the dissolution of marriage.~ Wikipedia
I can’t think of a more touchy subject when it comes to planning a marriage. In fact, many people feel that having a prenup is planning for a divorce. I’ll admit if you want to break up an engagement this subject might do it.
I remember an episode on Senifeld when George wanted out of his engagement to Susan so he decided to ask her to sign a prenup, thinking she would be insulted and call off the wedding. Susan, who was worth millions, laughed at the idea and agreed to sign.
Of course, it doesn’t quite play out like this for most people. Feelings are hurt, thoughts of not being trusted arise, doubts about your future as husband and wife are in black in white, just in case. Finances are rarely discussed in depth when entering a marriage, people assume that everything is copacetic forgetting the business aspect of marriage. Love is beautiful, but unfortunately, not too many couples are fighting about how much they love each other, but over finances. Money related issues is still the number one reason for divorce. I’m not suggesting everyone who is planning to get married run out and have a prenup drawn up, not everybody needs one, but I’m thinking Paul McCartney could have benefited from such an agreement.
I wanted to know what then would be some good reasons for having a prenup and according to SmartMoney.com they said you might consider getting one if:
· You have much greater assets or earn far more than your partner — Divorce courts usually award the poorer spouse anywhere from 10% to a full half of the marital property (including household income and possibly inheritances).
· Your partner has substantial debt — You could end up sharing the burden in a divorce settlement.
· You have children from a prior marriage — They need to be protected (and have their college tuition paid) if you die or get divorced for a second time.
· You own part or all of a business — An ex-spouse can claim a share, unleash an army of nosy accountants to perform a valuation or even force a liquidation.
· You’re planning to put your partner through school — If your spouse earns that medical degree and then splits, a prenup will ensure that your contribution is rewarded.
So, what are your thoughts on prenups? Good? Bad? Depends? Only for the super rich? Would you sign one if asked, would you ask your fiance to sign one to protect family property? When is it a good idea to discuss a prenup or is it ever a good idea to bring it up?
Would I sign a prenup? Well first let me read what’s in it and then I’ll tell you if I’m mad or not. I guess it’s like a living will, it’s a document you hope never has to used, but it’s there if you need it. “Hope for the best, prepare for the worse?”
Last week I was in the hair salon for an emergency C-Section (hair cut) and while I was waiting on my stylist, I picked up a copy of the NY Post and saw this very interesting article by Christine B. Whelan, which can be read here. In part it stated:
“Major news outlets are once again scaring smart, accomplished women into believing that they’re doomed to be old maids because they intimidate men. This old saw makes great headlines - but it’s dead wrong.
A recent speed-dating study from Columbia University garnered national attention for its finding that men prefer beautiful, smart women, but are less interested in women that they believe to be smarter than themselves. (Cue the old saw, “Men don’t make passes at girls who wear glasses.”) All this hype sends the wrong message about women’s prospects. Young women can pursue their education and career goals and stay confident in their odds of marriage.”
I love statistics, but the only ones I believe are about money and a few others. So I’m going to put this out there. If you are a guy, are you intimated by a smart and accomplished woman. If so, why? If no, what kind of woman intimidates you? Does she make more money than you? Is she taller than you or are you intimidated at all? Thanks for any insight. Men, I hope you are not intimidated by my questions, women want to know!
PS - How come I don’t know one darn person that has taken a survey or been a part of statistical study. Who are these people and really, where are they getting them from? I know a lot of people!
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is planning for a divorce. I’ll admit if you want to break up an engagement this subject might do it.
· You have much greater assets or earn far more than your partner — Divorce courts usually award the poorer spouse anywhere from 10% to a full half of the marital property (including household income and possibly inheritances).