How to Cope with Chronic Complainers
“A man [or woman] is only as happy as he chooses to be.” Abraham Lincoln
Is it safe to say that chronic complainers are unhappy people who are never satisfied? I think so. I’m no Ms. Positive, I complain, I think we all do at some point, but some people never stop complaining.
Maybe I’m getting old or less tolerant of people, but my truth is: I don’t want to hear it. I find myself avoiding these “energy suckers” because they are just too darn depressing and often times, they are not complaining about the issue but the symptom. I guess it would be hypocritical to sit here and complain about complainers, so how can we best deal with them without being mean or telling them to shut up.
- Resist the urge to strangle or smother them with a pillow. I admit, I thought about this on a few occasions.
- Listen to them. This is the difficult part, but important because it acknowledges their feelings and concerns. We can also listen for information, facts, what is not being said or the motive behind what was said.
- Show empathy. Dr. Bernard Guerney of Pennsylvania State University says that empathy is ‘the capacity to appreciate the other person’s feelings and point of view—whether you agree with him or not.
- Stay off the bandwagon. Someone, maybe at work, will start complaining about something and before we know it, we are right there with them feeding the fire. Complaining, especially to the wrong person, does not accomplish anything and now instead of having one unhappy person, we have two unhappy people.
In his book, The No Complaining Rule, Jon Gordon says one of the most important things we can do in business and in life is to stay positive with strategies that turn negative energy into positive solutions. The goal is not to eliminate all complaining, just mindless chronic complaining.
How do you deal with complainers in your life and at work? I like this humorous take in the video below.
Additional Reading: QBQ! The Question Behind the Question