Conversations With My Clothes

I look at the clothes in my closet the same way I stand with the refrigerator door open. Of course, I hope, there is food in the fridge, but for some reason I am unable to make a choice. The food is just not speaking to me. Nothing in there is yelling, EAT ME!. So there I stand, searching, hoping something will catch my eye and become ’stomach worthy’.

My practice is to prepare as much as I can the night before so that I don’t have to do it in the morning. This includes making lunches, setting the table for breakfast, packing bags, finding and ironing clothes for the next day. The latter is when my clothes taunt me, two closets full of clothes and nothing to wear!

My closet is set up so that I know exactly where things are and finding something to wear should not require too much time. From right to left, bottom portion, I have my blazers, pant suits, dress suits, slacks, skirts and 2 light jackets. The top row of my closet is for shirts, blouses and long dresses. For some reason when I look in my closets, we have conversations and they are saying evil things.

Tonight, I pull out a suit and it snidely reminds me that a button fell off months ago and still has not been sewn back on. I don’t do buttons, so I put it back. I grab a pair of slacks that gently reminds me that I gained ten pounds and if I wear them, they will hijack the bottom of my pants and expose my ankles. High-waters! Hmm? I needed those few extra inches in length, so I put them back, way in the back.

I reluctantly pull out a dress suit, as in skirt and jacket. I look at my blouses for a print to compliment my solid, then I hear a faint clearing of the throat and my suit says, ‘you don’t have a pair of shoes in this closet that will do me justice’. I gnarl at her comment and look down and my worn out shoes, they shrug. Hmmm, I think she’s right, tomorrow is Friday. I put the suit back.

I walk over to the other closet, which houses my more heavier items and they all scream in unison: global warming, we can’t come out of the closet yet. (Today was unusually warm in NJ and it was beautiful outside. Remind me to Google why global warming is bad again).

I close the door and walk back over to the other closet just to double check, maybe I missed something. Some clothes shout, “cleaners” others shout “you wore me two weeks ago”. Uggggghhh! I hate finding clothes to wear to work. Frankly, I think if I am going to be some where five days a week, somebody should supply me with a uniform. I would not have to go through this torture.

Finally, I cast my eyes on a pair of black slacks, I flash a climaxing grin because I know its over. I know what I’m wearing tomorrow. I take them off the hanger and drape them across the ironing board. The pants don’t protest and that’s great because I’ve been through enough tonight, I’ll press them in the morning. I’m tired!

Tomorrow, I ‘m going clothes shopping.