No, I’m not a super hero. Unfortunately I can’t fly like Superman, I still have to drive my car to get places. I cannot bust through walls like Kool-Aid man, I have to use the door and I can’t change my clothes faster than Wonder Woman, but 7 out of 10 times, I can change a red light to green. I’ll tell you how later, but first let me tell you about my week. Since you already know what I’m blogging about, I thought I’d give you a behind the scene of how I’m living, well partially.

So, I’m still trying to figure out what’s going on with my daughter’s stomach (btw, she came home with a new word for underwear: “tighty whities”…apparently the teacher’s aid doesn’t wear a belt and her “tighty whities” have been showing and she’s the talk of the 2nd grade)….anywho, I called the doctor’s office for an appointment and receptionist asked for the patient’s date of birth.

I said, “10-6-99″.

She said, “Is the appointment for a child?” Silence.

Now I’m looking at the receiver thinking: It’s too early for this. I wanted to say, “No, the patient is actually a leap year baby and she’s a lot older than her birth date indicates.” Yes it’s for a child! 1999, do the math or not do the math. How many of your adult friends were born 8 years ago? Instead of delivering my facetious remark I replied “Yes”.

I try not to be a smart-aleck, okay that’s not true, I try not to say everything I’m thinking but sometimes people make you. Like one morning I’m walking from the parking lot into the office building and here comes Exhibit A. I have manners so I say: “Good Morning”. Nothing. Nada. Zilch. Not a word. It happens a lot and today was going to be different. I turn and say real loud: GOOD MORNING! Now I get a response and I’m back to feeling cheery again. What’s wrong with saying good morning, some people act like you stole something when…..

The only person I’m really trying to avoid right now is the PoPo (police) because my left brake light is out. Cops in my area don’t have too much to do and will pull you over in a minute for a blown out bulb, so every time I see a cop car I have a mini stroke and rethink my decision to never wear Depends. Either I try to slow down without having to press the brake pedal or I speed up to put some distance between us. I don’t know why I think the cops are after me, but if anyone is to be pulled over for something like this, it would be me. It will get taken care of soon or…..

Maybe I could just use my super powers to turn all the lights green and not have to stop at all. I’m not advocating this, it’s just something that I do and not often. I’m a trained professional driver*, so do not attempt this while driving. If you have an accident while trying to change traffic lights, I will deny knowing you and this blog three times. Seriously though, have you ever noticed that when you’re in a hurry to get somewhere, that every traffic light is red. It’s like the lights know and turn red on purpose.

For reasons I’ll explain in another post, most times I like to keep something to read with me so when I am stopped at a red light or in traffic, I can read it. I’ve noticed that every time I go to pick up a book, the red light would turn green. Even when I see a red light and think: goodie I get to read, it turns green. Call me crazy, but I think I can change lights. You can’t fake the feeling though, you have to really want to read the book, it works. I do catch a few of them, but on my daily route, not as many as I normally would. I guess you can call it positive thinking, I’m sure people who follow the law of attraction would agree with me. There is power is positive thinking and……

I used some of that power at the charity bowl early this week which was aired on TV. Nobody asked me for a press release, but we had a lot of fun. There was someone there from the NY Giants who didn’t look any bigger than the water boy and a ESPN Sportscaster who could have been a center for the NJ Nets. They raffled off signed memorabilia I thought was going to the high bowler, which happened to be me. I was all ready to put my goodies on eBay…I guess I counted my chickens before they hatched. I thought I did enough bowling to at least win a tube of Ben-Gay because I was all tuckered out and….

Just so you know, I really don’t have the power. Actually the firemen, cops and the electric company had the power last night. My neighborhood lost power 3 times while I was writing this post.

*no I’m not.