I’m back on the wagon, sort of

I’m back to wagging my tongue, that is…I started exercising again and yesterday was my first day. It went really well. I left my shorts at home and ended up having lunch with my mother and 5 slices of cake, so technically, I’m off the wagon and it ran me over. It was a new recipe for her and I had to show my support, five times.

Today, however, I went downstairs to the gym at work, and I got on the treadmill like I was on it yesterday. So much for taking it easy on the first day. I walked at a fast pace because I have long legs and I can. After 25 minutes or so, I decided to test my heart rate. I put my hands on the sensors and waited. My heart rate read 107! I said, no, that can’t be right, I’m working harder than that, something is wrong. So I decided to increase the speed and then I tested again. My heart rate is now 94. Confused. Either the numbers have decreased or a 1 is missing in front of the 9. Okay now my feelings are hurt so I run for a minute and 30 seconds. All I was hoping for was my heart rate and to stay conscious during this time so I could tell the EMT what really happened.*

After my short run, I was sure my heart rate would be in the 150’s. I put my hands on the sensors and it read a whopping 42. I said, okay, that must be how many minutes I have to live because my heart is about to give out. I tested several times after that to see if I could get a reading. I got NOTHING. Not one number showed up on that digital panel. I wrapped up my workout just in case that was a sign and made a mental note of the 1-800 number on the machine. Somebody needs to call them and tell them that machine is broken! Tomorrow, I take my workout outside. I hope my pedometer is working.

Anywho, it feels great to do something nice and healthy for your body, but cookies are nice too. I found this report on Yahoo that said avoiding sweets COULD help you live longer. So could avoiding a bullet, I want a cookie. I’m not one of those people who say you have to die from something. In fact, I would rather die from nothing, just leave my cause of death blank. I’m partial to breathing. Is giving up sweets really going to add years to my life? I doubt it, but giving up sweets may decrease the life of those around me. So everything in moderation, well everything except for everything illegal. I’m rambling, this is supposed to be about exercise. I ramble on paper because it can’t run like people. Paper is such a patient, forgiving and understanding listener and if it isn’t, my eraser is…Now, oh, okay back to the report. I no longer have any faith in these reports and studies because the information is inconsistent. One year coffee will kill you and grind you up, the next year, coffee with green tea extract will add years to your life. Please, everything in moderation and while “they” are making up their minds, I’m going to have a cookie…..

*This is not a James Frey blog, this stuff really happened, I just tell the funny version, there was no EMT, this time. Oprah you can call me and select my blog as the blog of the month for your book club. Better yet, start a blog club and just mention that you read mine and people will be trying to buy it. Please.