The Rise of the Freemale
As I do every M-F, I was listening to my favorite radio show last week (hi T&C) and they were discussing a new term I never heard before so I thought I would mention it here to see what people think about it.
There’s a rising number of women who choose to live without a man or family called The Freemale. Okay?
Here are some definitions for The Freemale that I found on the web:
A new breed of independent, single women showing that they don’t need a man to be happy;
Women who choose to be alone, and rejoice in a life where they can spend time and money as they wish;
Manless females who are too busy living life to the full to make space for a second tooth brush by the bathroom sink.
These definitions do make The Freemale seem rather selfish or self-centered rather than it being a conscious and personal choice. What’s the difference? Maybe these women choose to do otherwise with their life that has nothing to do with material things or too busy to be bothered.
Some people feel that The Freemale’s reasons for not being in a relationship are less than truthful and that the real reason they are not in a relationship is because either they can’t find a man or no one has asked them to marry.
Basically, if a woman says she’s not interested in a romantic relationship with a man or in having a family, she’s lying. It’s every woman’s “happily ever after” to be married with 2.5 kids, the dog and the white picket fence.
I don’t know how you *show* that you don’t need a man, and who walks around saying they don’t need one? Not me! That would seem more weird to me than actually not being interested in one, but there are women out there who prefer to be unattached. I also know couples who choose to remain childless. People refer to these situations as self-centered and selfish. Are they?
Just thinking, is it every woman’s desire to be in a relationship? Do you think there are women out there who have made a conscious decision to live without a man (family) and are happy doing so, or are they being less than truthful?
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My name is Valerie aka Natural and I will be writing about whatever is on my mind. I love teaching, dialogue, sharing and making people laugh. I never know what I'll share here but this is me, Thinking Out Loud.
I’m all for being independent regardless of the label that one puts on it. One does it for me is that they stress the “I don’t need a man” as a badge of honor rather than just leading their lives in that manner.
Sure, you can be comfortable in being single. Go for it. Do you.
Not sure why people always think that being single is a bad thing. Not everyone wants kids. Not everyone wants to kids in the yard. People aren’t built the same.
And another thing… Selfish and Self-centered - What is wrong with either one? Why do we put such a negative spin on those two words anyway? Can I do for self and not worry about anyone else? Am I hurting someone in the process? Why not put me first? I’m not a female but I am a single male. So I can understand the not wanting that extra weight of a relationship. A lot of times people are more in your way than helping you on your way.
Urban Thoughts last blog post..It’s Hump Day: That’s An Excuse for a Contest
Natural: What a horrible label: “Freemale”. I’m very independent, I live alone, I traveled in Italy for several months alone, I pay my own bills, and so on. But I’m not anti-relationship or anti-kids. At the same time I don’t think anyone should be forced to be in a relationship and have kids if that’s not what they want simply to “fit in”. Also, I agree with Urban Thought that if you want to be self-centered that’s your choice. I´m trying to think of a label that sounds better than “freemale” but I’m drawing a blank.
I think people should do what works for them, regardless of their gender.
I also think that it’s great that women nowadays are able to make a choice.
It does seem to me that human nature dictates, in most cases, a desire to be in an intimate relationship with another person.
When I left my ex I SERIOUSLY didn’t want to be in another relationship & I wasn’t, for many years. I had opportunities, but turned them all down. It was “me” time, for the first time in my life. It wasn’t about partying & whatnot, however, it was about discerning what I wanted out of life, who I was, etc. If it makes me selfish to get my head together, so be it.
“It’s every woman’s “happily ever after” to be married with 2.5 kids, the dog and the white picket fence.” I disagree wholeheartedly. Although I did eventually get married (last year, 2 days before my 40th birthday,) I never wanted the traditional family scene (& to date, I still don’t have it.) As far as my choice to be childless, that was selfLESS, as I didn’t want to bring yet another child into an already over-burdened world, nor did I want it exposed to the modern Western media & other ills. Part of it may have been genetic, however. I learned recently that premies (which I was,) are more likely not to want to have children when they’re older.
Although I have no children of my own, I dedicate that part of myself to my 2 beautiful nephews. Not only do they have good parents, but they have a supportive, helpful & loving Aunt, as well.
Lanas last blog post..The Mystery Revealed…’N Stuff
Hope you don’t mind a male weighing in here.
Freemale does sound a little… self-focused.
The term doesn’t sound like it distinguishes enough to be feminine… it could be heard as free-male.
not sure about what women want… need. I’ve been married 28 years and it may not last much longer. My wife has gotten tired of me and the kids. She may have good reason, I dunno. Having special ed kids is tough.
The problem with any such terms are they are so restrictive. How can any term… feminist, gen Xer, Christian, Independant, vegetarian, voter, garbage collecter, Bob Dylan fan, give us much insight? They may tell us something about the person, but in the end restrict the identity to something too simple to really explain who a person is.
Just a thought.
Curious Servants last blog post..Of Mice and Men
I guess it’s up to the individual..I hope they have a male friend with benefits though…:))))
Confuseds last blog post..I Apologise
I, for one, don’t NEED a man. That isn’t to say that I wouldn’t want to be in a relationship. I love being in a relationship. But being single is nice too. However, I’ve never wanted children and I will never have them. Marriage is a part of my future… but not kids. And I don’t think there should be labels for people who are just doing what works for them.
Corrinas last blog post..Happy Birthday Best Friend
People choose the way they want to live and be happy doing it is a beautiful thing. I don’t judge people for having no children or having only a couple of children because I don’t want to be judged for having 5 children. So if some women say that they are happy for not being attached to men then more power to them.
Chris Austrias last blog post..Go Ahead, Ask Me
Freemale???
Sometimes I think the people who write this stuff are jealous of the women who are single, independent and childless. I’ve known many moms who would love to trade a day (or more) in their lives with a single woman. It’s not that they’re necessarily unhappy with hubby, kids and dog, but sometimes they get overwhelmed with it all, and the grass looks mighty good on the other side.
One great thing about life, and being a woman is that we do have choices. Society may say we need a man to be happy, but many single women are proving that to be untrue.
Barbara Swaffords last blog post..Adding A Favicon Just Got Easier
At one point I also thought that I can do without a man, that was after my separation with my husband, after a while, I thought that I couldn’t continue on living without someone to wake up with or watch while he’s sleeping, something like that. I guess, people have their own preference. I can say that I do not need a man to make me a complete woman, but it doesn’t mean that I don’t want one -of course, who’d treat me to an occassional spa visit (lol). Maybe it’s by “mood”?
A freemale hmm.. I guess I count as one except I do sense a negative tone in these definitions you found. I wouldn’t mind a relationship. In fact, I would like one again one day with someone special. I think its possible to be with someone and still be that strong independent woman. You just get to be a strong independent woman who has a partner in life.. someone to love and not have to be jaded. What’s this either/or stuff?
Granted I learned alot about myself being alone. I strongly believe this time made me even more of an ideal partner.
Freemale.. I’ve never heard of the term but its certainly interesting
JEMi | Tips for Life, Love, Yous last blog post..Visit Tivate.com for an Interview ‘Bout Me!
chink chink to the freemales, shemales, females with and without- God bless them all and free choices!!!
sandys last blog post..Visualization Keeps Us Cool !!!!
I enjoy being independent Urban, but that doesn’t mean that I don’t need someone. I love my space and my freedom but I don’t go around saying who I don’t need, I simply live. Why label? There’s also nothing wrong with occasional selfishness, everyone should practice that more, especially women who are always taking care of others and never themselves. Being single or married is only great if YOU are….. 02
Marelisa, I did the same thing you did years ago, I went to Europe alone (met people there later) and not because of not being in a relationship or not having someone to go with, I had the money to go, so I went. I pay my own bills (although I don’t mind being slipped some cash - hehe). Kids are great but they are not for everyone, it’s way too easy to become a parent and it’s expensive.
Vered, I can agree with that, being created with a need/desire to love and feel loved, it would seem that human nature dictates a desires to be with someone, (for some, not necessarily married or in a long term relationship) but how the absence of that gets a ‘negative’ label when it’s a choice, as if that’s the only choice for women, intrigues me.
Lana, I think a lot of pressure is put on women to have the “perfect family” or at least be in a relationship. Something is wrong with you if you are not. Same with kids, if you don’t have them as a couple, people are look at you funny. You can’t possibly be happy with your life.
No I don’t mind a male weighing in Curious Servant. It’s nice to have the male perspective on women issues. I agree and that’s what’s funny about the word “Freemale”. I would think it would apply to a free MALE, but someone has flipped the script and made it about women. The term doesn’t really give you an indication about who that person really is, but here it is. Women problems with male names: Menopause, Mental Illness, Just a little joke. Hehe
Confused, yes medical, eye and dental benefits are very important. LOL.
Corrina, I agree, I don’t NEED a man to live either, and I compare life to a million dollars. I don’t NEED a million dollars to live, but it helps and my empty pockets do not define who I am.
Chris, you would think that people have a right to choose. “People” are so critical and judgmental of women…love to label and make assumptions.
Barbara, I don’t know, I think there can be jealousy on both sides: People with man/family want more free time and people with free time want man/family, like you said. I guess as a woman, if you don’t have a man, people make assumptions.
Mommy Riz, whatever makes you happy is what’s best for you. Companionship is great. Some people don’t know how to be by themselves and need that constant person, then there are those who enjoy companionship, but don’t need the constant.
JEMi, I don’t do labels and these definitions, although if not intended, sound negative. I don’t like negative and don’t focus on it.
Sandy, amen.
Naturals last blog post..The Rise of the Freemale
“I think a lot of pressure is put on women to have the “perfect family” or at least be in a relationship. Something is wrong with you if you are not. Same with kids, if you don’t have them as a couple, people are look at you funny. You can’t possibly be happy with your life.”
I agree. I’ve rec’d the funny looks & stupid questions, personally. I misunderstood the quote in your post to imply that’s what you’d thought. My bad.
Lanas last blog post..Sky Watch
Lana, my bad, that was my horrible attempt at trying to write from two different view points while being facetious. Not very good at it. lol
As long as there are people, there will be labels for them.
“Freemale” strikes me as just another catchy phrase someone thought up to describe a type of woman who’s been around forever.
An interesting question to me is, how many women feel obliged to have a man in their life because that’s the expectation?
JD at I Do Thingss last blog post..I Eat (some of the) Lucky Charms so you don’t have to
Hi Valerie - I was by myself for a long time - I didn’t get together with my partner Frank till I had just turned 49. I felt puzzled by it, I guess, I certainly didn’t walk around thinking I didn’t want to be with someone. It just didn’t happen, and I had to make it OK.
People who say it is selfish to be alone or not have children are jealous of the freedom, I think, and resentful about the things they “have” to do. Also, many people have children for selfish reasons - such as to try to make their life more meaningful (I mean, we can’t rely on other peoplee to do that - even our children).
Cheers - Robin
Robins last blog post..The Money-Go-Round
JD that’s true. I’m sure just like with everything, there’s pressure to conform or to look normal because “everyone’s doing it”.I know it was expected way back when to marry and have a family….
BTW JD, I got my TENS unit. ahhhhhhh
Robin, it’s all work. Men/Kids :). Both definitely can be rewarding but not everyone wants to go that route. Respect.
This is interesting, in that in brings up the chicks out there who are married and are mothers, but they have a chip on their shoulders. My next-door neighbor is like that. She went rollerblading when she was nine-months pregnant. She was on top of the roof, nailing in shingles when she had two small babies.
She seems to want to be seen as the man in the marriage. And her husband seems cool with that. She strikes me as a married Freemale.
She definitely wears the pants in that relationship.
Okay cardiogirl, your neighbor sounds “interesting”. i think i read about her on your blog (kids in the car while she mowed the lawn). I might do what the man does, lay back and enjoy, uh, the ride?