Too Successful For A Mate
If you are new here, every Monday I blog about a money related topic. Nothing should be considered as financial advice, but for informational and discussion purposes only.
Is there a such thing as being too successful for a mate? In this case I’m talking about a successful woman.
Of course. women have no problem dating a successful man and when I say successful, I mean doing well financially.
“Typically” the man is thought of as the breadwinner or the financial provider in the relationship.
That’s not so much the case today, women have their “stuff” together. We are smart, driven, we have careers, we own homes, we’re educated and may not be financially dependent on a man.
However being successful and dating doesn’t always go together. Some men are intimated and insecure about a woman who has achieved a measure of success that out weighs his own. He may feel that if she has all these “things” then why is he needed.
I came across this quote from a guy on this topic and he said: I’m not intimidated by successful women, but I’m not exactly comfortable with them in the long-term, neither.
Is the thought of being too successful an “issue” that women create or is it time for the men to get over their insecurities and learn to embrace her success?
Photo by LongHairBroad
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My name is Valerie aka Natural and I will be writing about whatever is on my mind. I love teaching, dialogue, sharing and making people laugh. I never know what I'll share here but this is me, Thinking Out Loud.
Hi Natural,
Great Monday money subject.
I do think SOME men are intimidated by a successful woman. Like you said, he may feel she doesn’t need him. If they realized that although a woman doesn’t have to NEED a man, she may WANT him in her life. THAT is so much more important. After all, who really wants a needy partner anyway?
Barbara Swaffords last blog post..You’re Only As Good As Your Current Post
Time for men to get over their insecurities. Who cares who makes more if the result is that the family as a unit has more?
My husband, bless his supportive soul, would LOVE for me to make more than he does, b/c he’s smart and practical, and if I make more, our family will have more.
Vereds last blog post..The Blurry Line Between Online and Real-Life Relationships
I actually don’t understand why so many men get all upset about a woman earning more than them. Personally if my wife (I’m single btw) earned more than me or even wanted to be to sole bread winner it just wouldn’t be an issue for me. I’d be just as happy being a housewife, maybe even more so because I hate that macho bs that happens at work where every guy has to prove he has bigger balls and is more successful than me. I’m just not that competitive but yo have to play the game.
Matts last blog post..One for the girls heh?
My belief is that both genders need to meet in the middle. So much has to do with the ideals set in place during your childhood and adolescence. I was a SAHM, and my mother was a SAHM, I was raised to believe it was honorable to stay home and raise my children, care for my home and husband and he would make a living for us (my husband was raised by a dual income family). My children on the other hand…my daughter is 29 and has never been married, is very successful and is currently in a wonderful relationship - she would never consider being a SAHM. My son is 30 (a doctor) and his wife is an attorney, they had their first child in March and she just returned to work - my son never wanted his wife to be a SAHM, that was until they had their child, now he’d like her to work only part time.
I think they will compromise and each work less and be there more for their child. They will give up some things but gain others.
My point is that all men are not the same and all women are not the same, it all depends on how they were raised and what they aspire to in life. Some men just need a strong, secure woman to see the light :).
Great topic!!
Mamaflos last blog post..The World & The Internet & Blogging
since we now have SAHM who are men- it’s time !!
sandy kezzelas last blog post..The Star of Beach Blanket Bingo- 2008 revised version
Being a man - one of the few who have commented - I do think that there are men who do feel intimidated by a woman who earns more than they do. I think it comes down to instinct and how you were brought up. Man’s instinct is to be the ‘hunter-gatherer.’ If you add to that the fact that most men are brought up being told that they must provide for their family, it is a natural reaction to feel intimidated when someone threatens to reverse the roles.
However things are changing and I know lots of men who stay at home being ‘mom’ while their partner earns the cash.
Jons last blog post..Sunday Scribblings - Happy Ending
I would hope the guy that I would be attracted to for a long term relationship can handle that because honestly I wouldn’t attempt to make less because someone else is uncomfortable with it. In fact, I am aiming incredibly high ..
I’ve been that woman before in a relationship with an ex who wasn’t doing so well financially. I am so careful of the male ego, even in the worst of fights I wouldn’t Go There. That’s the best I can do - be unselfish and mindful of my partner’s feelings. I know as a twenty something all I hear amongst the dating scene within my pees are a bunch of guys who continuously gripe about women being money-hungry or whatever..
*shrugs* Like I said, I hope I can find someone with a good heart that would want to share with me - regardless of who brings in the lions share. Because that would be such a pity… my being paid and all alone
JEMi | Tips for Life, Love, Yous last blog post..Life Coach: What Can One Do for You?
There are women out there whose strategy in life is simply to find a man to take care of them, while there are women out there getting the best education they can, working, and making their own money. There are men who find strong, independent women sexy, and there are men who are scared to death of any woman who is more capable than they are. I think in the end it all boils down to the right matches being made.
Marelisas last blog post..Decide What You Want
Ive known a few men (or shall I call them boys) who are very intimidated by a hard working independant woman. And thats a shame really.
meleah rebeccahs last blog post..CHANGE?
intimidated..that’s just silly in my book if my mate wishes to have a career hopefully she is wildly successful so I can stay at home and write..I will have dinner ready and please phone if your going to be late..:)))
Confuseds last blog post..Love’s Fiery Maze
I make double what my boyfriend does. He knew I made more money than him, but when we finally needed to discuss a combined family income budget, I put my take home dollars in black and white. His response was, “I am uncomfortable with this.” However, it was not because he wants/needs/feels he has to make more money. He actually took a $200,000 cut in pay to move to a job he loves. He was uncomfortable because of his generous nature, and wanted to contribute as much as I. I explained that I saw it as one big pot of money regardless of who contributed what. But I also said that there are ways he contributes non-financially that more than show his generosity. He now tells people, with a big mischievous grin, that he has a Sugar Mama.
Urban Panthers last blog post..I thought I was perfect
What Vered said…I keep praying for the day that my wife will make more than me so I can actually be more irresponsible with my expenses like go golfing every weekend and go out to eat more with the kiddies.
chriss last blog post..Haaaaarvard
Barbara, well no man should be and you worded it so nicely. doesn’t need, but want.
Vered, practical is great, you see more than just your little hang-ups, but the big picture. not about you, but US.
Matt, glad to hear it from a man. If I were a man, I’d be a fool to make it an issue. There are some out there and I guess they have a right to feel that way, I think.
Mamaflo, good point, background does have a lot to do with it. We are not living in those times anymore, now it takes two or one big income just to make ends see each other, not even meet.
It’s time for them to get over it, Sandy? I take my hat off to SAH men.
Jon, I agree, background plays a part, that can’t be overlooked. If he’s intimidated by her success, then maybe his ambitions need to be examined.
JEMi or should I say Dr. JEMi, I wouldn’t attempt to earn less either, in fact, I can’t earn less than I’m earning right now. You are who you are and your success should not be used against you.
Marelisa, don’t tell my strategy! Shhh. A woman should always take care of herself - No disrespect to men, you are highly valued - I saw this quote on a website that said: A man is not a plan. Women should be able to take care of themselves in the event something happens to the man. She may find success in doing this and it doesn’t mean that they are not needed, quite the opposite.
Meleah, they could be missing out. Saaaay, Who can date Oprah?
Confused, I always knew you were wise beyond your years. Stay home and write is right.
uh, Urban Panther, a $200,000 pay cut is more like a stabbing. Even I’m tempted to fill out a police report. Contribution doesn’t always = money, it’s not really a competition, shouldn’t be anyway.
Did you make a mistake with your zeros or should I be calling the cops now?
Chris, lol. I just read your ‘why donate’ page on your blog. I know one word in Tagalog: Kamustaka. Hope all goes well with your school. You keep praying, one day your dreams of your wife making more than you will be a reality then you can get started on your golfing. Greeeeatttt!
Naturals last blog post..Too Successful For A Mate
Hi there Valerie - I think our relationships reflect what we have ourselves going on, so if we are successful and only meet men who are threatened by that, it’s time to change what we are “putting out” for. We will only attract people into our space who fit our pictures. - Cheers
Robins last blog post..Is Death Natural?
Where are these woman and why haven’t a met one?
Embrace the success and get over your insecurities. As long as she has an understanding that my financial goals aren’t the same as hers its all good. I’m saying we need to have an understanding and accept each other for who we are.
Just don’t start pushing me to do what you feel I should be doing with my life if I’m happy and able to handle my own business.
Urban Thoughts last blog post..What A Weekend Brings…
Nope, no mistake on the zeros and he isn’t even bleeding. LOVES his job now. Ya, okay, he’s strange.
Urban Panthers last blog post..Proof is in the lists
They’re out there. I’d consider it a screening process: if he’s okay with your success, then he’s a potential keeper. My dude is like Vered’s in that he’d love it if I was financially kicking his butt because we’re a team and share the benefits.
Saras last blog post..It’s Okay to Just Shut Up: Understanding Introversion
Robin, I’ve heard that saying many times, especially with people who believe in the law of attraction, like yourself. It could be that “vibe” we put out there that attracts the wrong people.
Urban Thoughts, I don’t know sir, maybe you have to hang out where successful women do. You have a good point, she too has to be comfortable with what he does and not tell him what to do with his life, if he’s happy.
Urban Panther 0–>–<.
That’s great he loves his job, so many of us don’t (cough cough). I could learn to like something for over 200,000. Not strange. I rather go to a job I love, really.
Oh, I know they’re out there Sara, as mentioned, it could be upbringing. It’s great when a man can stand side by side with his lady’s (financial success) and not turn it into a competition. Something to be proud of, IMHO (in my humble opinion).
If you’re curious about why men are avoiding successful women, google divorce. Specifically, who is more likely to initiate divorce. Then look at what happens to dad.
Do the math.
Not your fault girls… divorce is too much of a raw deal for daddy’s in the courts. Fix that, and maybe attitudes will change.
Hey Petrov, I doubt that will give me the answer as I think the question is more personal than that. Women are probably more likely to initiate divorce because of something money related,cheating or abuse. Thanks for stopping by and sharing your thoughts. Divorce is not broken, people are